All She Had To Do Was Smile
by icantdeletethisaccountargh
Summary: The butterflies were the worst. LJ


All she had to do was smile. All she had to do was look at him or be next to him. All she had to do was be in the same room as him. It was almost like his body could sense when she was close; butterflies erupted in his stomach and his hands got sweaty and the hair on his arms and the back of his neck stood up. And when she smiled at him… Merlin, when she smiled at him his mind went blank and he wanted to be sick just to get rid of the fluttering.

The butterflies were the worst.

All she had to do was smile and he knew that he was so madly in love with her that it physically hurt.

All she did was smile at him from across the room.

"I hate her," he said quietly. Sirius looked up from his magazine, eyes soft. He gave his best friend a brotherly squeeze.

"I know mate," he consented.

He didn't hate her.

He hated being uselessly in love with her.

He hated that she couldn't figure it out.

He hated that it got worse and worse with everyday he spent with her.

"I can't do it."

"Sirius stilled. Surrender was not something associated with James. He had never heard those words before.

And so, James did everything he could to stop the butterflies

* * *

><p>Sirius was clever, but you didn't need to be clever to see the changes in Lily. Part of him thought her friends were stupid for not noticing.<p>

Because with Lily, you had to _notice_ that she was upset.

He saw her try to meet James' eye and freeze when she was avoided. He saw her perk up when James entered the common room and sink into her seat when he went up to the dormitory. He saw her stop eating when James walked past the empty seat beside her in the Great Hall. He saw the way she seamlessly fell back into conversation with her friends when he barely responded to her greeting.

He saw her distraction in class and the growing pile of unfinished homework.

He saw her potion bubble over when she couldn't concentrate on her favorite subject.

As James acted better, Lily got worse.

He saw her rush into the common room as he waited for James to finish the Prefects meeting.

He saw her red rimmed eyes and blotchy cheeks as she sprinted up the girl's steps.

James never returned that evening. For once, Sirius didn't feel like checking the map; it was obvious that something had happened between them and to be frank, he didn't agree with the stag.

He stayed in the common room until everyone had gone up to bed. This time, he waited for Lily because he knew her- she hated being seen upset almost as much as she hated explaining _why_. But he already knew why, and she would come back down because of that.

Sirius was clever.

At a few minutes passed eleven, Lily tip-toed into the common room in her night gown. She didn't seem surprised to see him. Taking in the redness of her face and raw nose, Sirius pat the spot on the couch next to him.

"C'mere," he said simply. She didn't hesitate in taking the seat, pulling up her knees like an upset child and resting her head on his shoulder. He could feel the pain behind her shaking sigh.

"He's so angry with me," she said in the same pained tone James had used the week before. "He's so angry with me and I don't know why."

"Did he say something to you?" Sirius asked as he wrapped a comforting arm around her back. She shook her head.

"He went to go fly after the meeting. He only flies this late when he's angry. He only talks enough to get through our duties. He won't even stay in the same room as me if he can help it…It's… it's awful."

Sirius tightened his grip. James wasn't the only one hurting.

"You're a Gryffindor, Lilypad," he said, hoping that the vague sentence would hold some type of meaning for her.

It most certainly did.

* * *

><p>The frigid air hurt her face and chapped her lips. The dusting of snow kicked up onto her bare legs and her cloak didn't cut the wind like it was supposed to. Night gowns were not made for winter in Scotland.<p>

She plugged on, though, hurrying to the pitch half to keep warm, half because of the dark, and wholly driven by her growing anger.

It was _his_ fault she was miserable. By the time she reached the pitch, she was livid.

"_Oi_!" she screamed at the top of her lungs at the dark spec hovering around the goal posts. The shadowed figure of James plummeted to the ground. Lily marched herself across the field, shivering and not caring.

James face showed surprise as they approached each other.

"What the fuck, Lils, it's freezing out here," he insisted, stopping when they were only feet apart. Lily kept on until she was in front of the tall boy and reached up a trembling hand to shove his shoulder. She felt a tiny bit of satisfaction when he stumble back a step with an indignant sound.

"What did I do?" she demanded. James dropped his broom.

"Well you're bloody crazy for starters," was his angry reply. "What's your problem?"

"_My_ problem? You're the one that's been a git to me all week. Everything was _fine_. I must have done something for you to start acting like this towards me."

James face pulled into a scowl, his whole body tense. Both hands came up to ruffle through his hair in frustration. "You think everything was _fine_ between us? Did you really?"

"We were happy! I was happy being your friend and all of the sudden you won't even look at me."

James shook his head in a disbelieving manner with a cold smile. The angry expression made Lily tighten her grip on her cloak. He came towards her, words on the tip of his tongue and eyes livid.

"You really… you can't… I don't want to be your fucking _friend_, Lily. How could you… how thick are you?"

It was like she'd been kicked in the stomach by those words. Her face suddenly became very hot and her throat tightened painfully. James' face softened while hers hardened. One of his hands lifted lamely towards her. Lily stepped back from it.

"Screw you," she said with as much consternation as she could muster. James reached forward again and grabbed her elbow before she could turn away from him. The look in her eyes redirected his anger.

"I've never wanted to be your friend."

Lily tried to pull away but he grabbed her other arm and forced her to look at him. Her eyes were red rimmed and pooled with tears and her lips were pressed tightly together.

"When I'm with you…" he began, trying to keep his temper in check. "When I'm with you I can't fucking stand it."

A dry laugh escaped her mouth at the same time as a tear fell down her cheek. James swore under his breath. He put his hand son her cheeks and kept her gaze.

"I'm so fucking in love with you that I hate it. I get these… these awful… this terrible feeling that my stomach is going to drop out and my heart is going to jump out of my body. I can't even _think_ when I look at you."

"You're not making sense," Lily choked out. She pulled James' hands from her face roughly but didn't drop them; she held them tightly in her freezing fingers. "Don't say you love me and then say how miserable I make you. It doesn't work that way."

"Then by all means, tell me how it does work because for _years_, Lily, I've never been able to do anything right with you."

It almost knocked James over with shock when Lily's tiny cold hands hooked onto the back of his neck and pulled him down to her height. Their foreheads met and their angry, panting breaths mixed between them in tufts of white. Her eyes were closed and his were open, marveling at the closeness and the intense desire he felt to close the distance between them.

Her lips were nearly as cold as her fingers as she whispered against the corner of his mouth. James' breath shook.

"When I'm not with you I can't stand it," she whispered in a pleading voice. "I'm so in love with you that I can't stand to be anywhere else but with you. I get these fantastic feelings in my stomach that I never wanted to go away. It's brilliant, really." She finished with a watery chuckle, the slow stream of tears wetting his cheek but he could feel her smiling. His hands mirrored hers, cupping the back of her neck and cradling her head. Every hot breath made him shiver more than the cold.

It was only then that he remembered Lily's state of dress. It took everything he had to put her well-being above his desires.

"We should get you inside so you don't freeze," he whispered. Lily snorted and pulled back just until their noses bumped.

"You're so stupid," she laughed and kissed him softly.

James found that he didn't quite mind the butterflies anymore.

* * *

><p>Pages: 4<br>Words: 1,578  
>Disclaimer: Don't own<br>Notes: INTERNET IN MY APARTMENT. I'm still in Italy and I have a lot of work. This piece of crap was a product of me procrastinating.


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